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Day One at the Gawthorpe Playground



A long,long time ago, at least it seems like that, Brian Laws had his first day at Gawthorpe. Vin Rogue reckons he knows what went on and light heartedly suggests what probably happened way back then...

It was day one in the playground for the new PE Teacher Brian and it was going to be a difficult first day. The old PE Teacher was loved by everyone so much so they had called him God; let`s face it you know you are popular if everyone calls you God?

In time honoured fashion Brian gathered the kids and thought I will just sort them out first. He didn`t know too many names so he just pointed to the goals and said "OK all the keepers over there" and one went over and stood in the goal and all the other kids mocked him by shouting "Beast". Not a great start to the day but the playground snitch had whispered into Brians` ear "we have another keeper but he is confused".

Brian then thought I know that all Strikers are always keen to show off "All the strikers up the other goal" with this off trotted Guerrero, Fletcher, Nugent, Blake, Eagles, Wade, Thommo, JayRod and Pato. Nine strikers he thought and the snitch whispered "it`s a conundrum boss because some of them are wingers who have been told they are strikers". Brian shouted "all those that play out wide move out to the wings" Brian was left with Thommo and JayRod (who really did look like a lonely striker) and he thought JayRod may cry soon as he was on his own with Thommo the big Scottish man who was shouting in some strange language at the wide men!

This is getting difficult he thought, "OK all the defenders go and stand on the edge of the box" Kalvenes, Duff, Carlisle, Caldwell, Mears, Edgar, Eckersley, Jordan, Easton all trotted off until the snitch ran back and said "its a countdown numbers game 2 and 21 should be with me and the other defenders" Brian then asked 2 and 21 "what position had they played for their countries" Both said defence but.........and Brian did send them to the defence and told them both to stop whining!

Only 4 players were left and so Brian said "Midfielders over to me" with that Chris McCann hobbled over on crutches, Kev McDonald and a little guy Brian knew to be called Joey came over and then a tall thin lad wandered over late lost in his own dream world. "Penny for them" said Brian and the lad starting crying, Joey shouted don`t pick on him he is from Peru and Chris started laughing. Joey kicked the crutches and Brian sent all of them off except for Kev who now stood alone............................

What a morning Brian thought, one keeper they all hate, one midfielder, two strikers, 6 wide men and a shed load of defenders, whatever was God doing creating this Beast.....Brian chuckled as he realised he had made a funny and decided to Weaver some magic and get another keeper! He looked at Kev and thought he needs a mate to keep him company I can`t keep the Cork on this little lot it could soon turn into a pantomime at this rate!

The headmaster appeared at Gawthorpe to ask how it was going on day one and Brian said "I need a keeper, some midfielders and a striker that the young lad likes as the Scottish one seems to scare him. No problems said the headmaster and in came Fox, Cort, Weaver, Cook and Nimani proving that all Headmasters know best.

Brian did put his head in his hands and said quietly to himself Jesus and far off somewhere God chuckled to himself as he knew it was never going to be easy for Brian.......EVER.....and as he reflected on the day............ had he really told the old man and the Cameroon lad to stop whining?..............

Vin

P.S available for Pantos unless Couch is Director!
The Journalist

Writer: turfmanphil Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Tuesday September 6 2011

Time: 10:09AM

Your Comments

Had me in stitches that one VR can't wait for the sequels!!
turfmanphil
Try living with him, can show you the scar from where my side split!! Quality read! :)
miniminivr
Well that sums it up VR all things Brian Laws a comedy play in the westend of Turf Moor made me chuckle brilliant.
Fedupclaret
I'll bet VR looks good in sequels! Seriously, did you think at the time - rather than with the benefit of hindsight now - that Coyle's want-in list of Weiss, Holden and Wilshere were the solutions to our problems? VR's analysis here suggests perhaps so. My recollection is that most posters on here at the time, me included, thought that what we needed was a defence that could keep the scores below 5, that we didn't need more wingers (Weiss) after Guerrero's flop, and that none of us had any idea that Holden would turn into such a vigorous tackler or that Wilshere would soon be playing for England. Would they have kept us up? Who knows? As the saying goes, no point crying over spilt milk... far better to split sides laughing. Thank you. Oh, and to be unfashionably fair to Brian, can anyone remember exactly how long he had from getting the job till the window closed?
Couch Potato
 

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