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Gooner Guide to Turf Moor

Gooner Guide to Turf Moor

The last time we played Arsenal at Turf Moor amazingly was back in the 1970s. On the 16th August 1975 to be precise and it was a 0-0 draw! Back in those days we were actually in the top flight but sadly for us that season we were relegated and never recovered. So where were the mighty Arsenal that season, where did they finish, surely Champions or Runners-up, at least in the Top 6? Blimey no, they were 17th and avoiding relegation by only six points! My god how times have changed!

One thing that hasn`t changed is the seats although it is now the away fans that sit in them (see photo). Yes my Gooner chums; you can now experience our 'state of the fart` Arsilities! Emirates? Naw try a real footy stadium and get blisters on your bum or at least splinters from the wooden seats!

Yes, my friends you will be sitting in the Cricket Field Stand, a stand that is finally facing the end, soon to be replaced in an ambitious redevelopment of Turf Moor. We had hoped the high winds and storms we get up here on the Moors (Don`t forget your hiking boots and oxygen cylinders) might have blown the blessed eyesore into bloody Blackburn, but no it friggin stayed with bits dropping off it. Enjoy and when you open your flasks to warm up from the bitter cold winds, watch out for bits of concrete dropping into it.

I know you Southern softies might suffer from the bitter cold weather up North so we suggest you bring your binoculars. Why? So you can see what the Claret geriatrics do to keep warm in the Bob Lord Stand next door.

Here are some top tips for your survival kit:

1.Bring a fifty foot blanket and all huddle together under it

2.Willy Warmers are essential for the lads, women should borrow two and wear elsewhere

3.Drink something warm, the beer served in the Cricket Field will do

4.If you do bring a flask of coffee, you will drink this within one minute of sitting down (trust me). The empty flask though does come in useful because I am sure you won`t want to miss your tenth goal going in..Just remember that the hot, steaming liquid in the flask is no longer coffee although having said that, it can be useful survival if the temperature drops to minus 10.

5.Eat something hot, could we recommend the Hollands Pies? The meat and potato is the best, this we affectionately call 'hot soup in a crust`. One mouthful and you will instantly splatter all your chums within a 50 yard radius and boy will you all be warm!

6.Wear asbestos lined suits (and watch out for folk eating Meat & Potato Pies)

7.Bring a good hat, I am afraid we no longer supply flat caps for this purpose!

8.The good news is you don`t have to bring plasters, bandages and splints. Despite popular belief put about by TV programmes with Hovis tunes in the background, Brunshaw Road now called Harry Potts Way is no longer cobbled.

9.The media`s obsession with dangerous dog stories has also put paid to Whippets! But watch out for the Pit Bull Terriers instead!

10. Enjoy!

We hope you found these tips useful and that you enjoy your day out at Turf Moor (seriously we do, it`s great to have you guys back). Let's hope it`s a great game and please,please,please can we have a draw and sit in a ground with proper state of the art facilities?

If you would like to know more information come and join the Clarets in the forum, we have a special Matchday Mayhem forum to discuss the match or owt you like

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Writer:turfmanphil
Date:Thursday January 3 2008
Time: 10:14AM

Comments

0
Excellent mate. Very amusing. It's how football should be.
hatespur
03/01/2008 10:38:00
0
1 Question, will bullet proof vests be in order? That mob depicted on that Danny Dyer tv programme looked a right bunch of loons.
hatespur
03/01/2008 10:46:00
0
The media always portay Burnley in a bad light and we have had our problems. Like most towns and cities these days we have our nutters aka Chavs. You are probably safe though being the esteemed team that you are. Id avoid going into the pubs in the centre though if wearing colours and practice saying 'Hey up lads, aste got a bad cowd there, Here let me buy thee a drink" If anyone asks you what your favourite soap is for gawds sake say Coronation Street and not Eastenders
turfmanphil
03/01/2008 10:52:00
0
Sounds like a very cool (cold) place! The travelling fans will certainly enjoy it. Unfortunately I can only pay attention to these niceties on TV.
Louisa
03/01/2008 10:57:00
0
L.o.L.:) My days of wearing colours are history. Should be a good day, i'm looking forward to it. Be nice to go to a traditional football ground again. I've generally cut out away games since the brth of my second child, but couldn't resist a drop of nostalgia. It's my dad's first game back at Turf Moor since a 3-3 draw in 1975 so he says.
hatespur
03/01/2008 11:02:00
0
I cant believe there was a time when we could actually beat you in the top flight. I was weened on the Clarets in the 60s by my late dear old dad with the 70s being the decade with the most memories! In those days of course away fans mingled with the home fans
turfmanphil
03/01/2008 11:06:00
0
Is it a sell out? Been keeping an eye on your games of late (since the draw was made) and it looks like attendances haven't been great. Thought the sending offs v's Preston I think, were a tad harsh.
hatespur
03/01/2008 11:09:00
0
We have hit bad form at the wrong time, no win at home since October and no win at all in six games! We have in the relatively recent past beat Spurs (tee hee), Villa, Fulham and of course Liverpool in various FA/Carling Cup draws but not at all confident against your lot. Fear a tonking in front of the cameras, just hope we dont embarass ourselves
turfmanphil
03/01/2008 11:13:00
0
I think we should see a sell out or as near as dammit for this one although the weather, January sales and the fact its televised might cause problems
turfmanphil
03/01/2008 11:15:00
0
Don't worry too much mate, our first team don't like cold trips oop north. We'd have been better off with the youngsters, young and hungry. The win at Blackburn (tee hee back) was a great effort by them in the CC.
hatespur
03/01/2008 11:17:00
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