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Gooner Guide to Turf Moor

The last time we played Arsenal at Turf Moor amazingly was back in the 1970s. On the 16th August 1975 to be precise and it was a 0-0 draw! Back in those days we were actually in the top flight but sadly for us that season we were relegated and never recovered. So where were the mighty Arsenal that season, where did they finish, surely Champions or Runners-up, at least in the Top 6? Blimey no, they were 17th and avoiding relegation by only six points! My god how times have changed!

One thing that hasn`t changed is the seats although it is now the away fans that sit in them (see photo). Yes my Gooner chums; you can now experience our 'state of the fart` Arsilities! Emirates? Naw try a real footy stadium and get blisters on your bum or at least splinters from the wooden seats!

Yes, my friends you will be sitting in the Cricket Field Stand, a stand that is finally facing the end, soon to be replaced in an ambitious redevelopment of Turf Moor. We had hoped the high winds and storms we get up here on the Moors (Don`t forget your hiking boots and oxygen cylinders) might have blown the blessed eyesore into bloody Blackburn, but no it friggin stayed with bits dropping off it. Enjoy and when you open your flasks to warm up from the bitter cold winds, watch out for bits of concrete dropping into it.

I know you Southern softies might suffer from the bitter cold weather up North so we suggest you bring your binoculars. Why? So you can see what the Claret geriatrics do to keep warm in the Bob Lord Stand next door.

Here are some top tips for your survival kit:

1.Bring a fifty foot blanket and all huddle together under it

2.Willy Warmers are essential for the lads, women should borrow two and wear elsewhere

3.Drink something warm, the beer served in the Cricket Field will do

4.If you do bring a flask of coffee, you will drink this within one minute of sitting down (trust me). The empty flask though does come in useful because I am sure you won`t want to miss your tenth goal going in..Just remember that the hot, steaming liquid in the flask is no longer coffee although having said that, it can be useful survival if the temperature drops to minus 10.

5.Eat something hot, could we recommend the Hollands Pies? The meat and potato is the best, this we affectionately call 'hot soup in a crust`. One mouthful and you will instantly splatter all your chums within a 50 yard radius and boy will you all be warm!

6.Wear asbestos lined suits (and watch out for folk eating Meat & Potato Pies)

7.Bring a good hat, I am afraid we no longer supply flat caps for this purpose!

8.The good news is you don`t have to bring plasters, bandages and splints. Despite popular belief put about by TV programmes with Hovis tunes in the background, Brunshaw Road now called Harry Potts Way is no longer cobbled.

9.The media`s obsession with dangerous dog stories has also put paid to Whippets! But watch out for the Pit Bull Terriers instead!

10. Enjoy!

We hope you found these tips useful and that you enjoy your day out at Turf Moor (seriously we do, it`s great to have you guys back). Let's hope it`s a great game and please,please,please can we have a draw and sit in a ground with proper state of the art facilities?

If you would like to know more information come and join the Clarets in the forum, we have a special Matchday Mayhem forum to discuss the match or owt you like

The Journalist

Writer: turfmanphil Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday January 3 2008

Time: 10:14AM

Your Comments (oldest first)

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Excellent mate. Very amusing. It's how football should be.
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 10:38:00

1 Question, will bullet proof vests be in order? That mob depicted on that Danny Dyer tv programme looked a right bunch of loons.
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 10:46:00

The media always portay Burnley in a bad light and we have had our problems. Like most towns and cities these days we have our nutters aka Chavs. You are probably safe though being the esteemed team that you are. Id avoid going into the pubs in the centre though if wearing colours and practice saying 'Hey up lads, aste got a bad cowd there, Here let me buy thee a drink" If anyone asks you what your favourite soap is for gawds sake say Coronation Street and not Eastenders
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 10:52:00

Sounds like a very cool (cold) place! The travelling fans will certainly enjoy it. Unfortunately I can only pay attention to these niceties on TV.
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03/01/2008 10:57:00

L.o.L.:) My days of wearing colours are history. Should be a good day, i'm looking forward to it. Be nice to go to a traditional football ground again. I've generally cut out away games since the brth of my second child, but couldn't resist a drop of nostalgia. It's my dad's first game back at Turf Moor since a 3-3 draw in 1975 so he says.
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03/01/2008 11:02:00

I cant believe there was a time when we could actually beat you in the top flight. I was weened on the Clarets in the 60s by my late dear old dad with the 70s being the decade with the most memories! In those days of course away fans mingled with the home fans
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 11:06:00

Is it a sell out? Been keeping an eye on your games of late (since the draw was made) and it looks like attendances haven't been great. Thought the sending offs v's Preston I think, were a tad harsh.
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 11:09:00

We have hit bad form at the wrong time, no win at home since October and no win at all in six games! We have in the relatively recent past beat Spurs (tee hee), Villa, Fulham and of course Liverpool in various FA/Carling Cup draws but not at all confident against your lot. Fear a tonking in front of the cameras, just hope we dont embarass ourselves
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 11:13:00

I think we should see a sell out or as near as dammit for this one although the weather, January sales and the fact its televised might cause problems
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 11:15:00

Don't worry too much mate, our first team don't like cold trips oop north. We'd have been better off with the youngsters, young and hungry. The win at Blackburn (tee hee back) was a great effort by them in the CC.
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 11:17:00

Hi Louisa, dont worry lass, I am painting a bleak picture! The atmosphere should be good and I find you can forget about the cold if the game is entertaining. Shame you cant make it! Its pretty damn amazing we havent played each other at all home or away in over 30 years!
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 11:18:00

Aye I watched that game, great performance, we can only dream of a squad like yours, 23 we can call upon and recently thanks to suspensions and injuries we only had 14 to choose from and drafted in a young 2nd year apprentice to make up the numbers on the bench (Adam Kay)
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03/01/2008 11:30:00

Nice to see some good natured banter on the boards. Where exactly is Burnley again? ha ha, only joking. Looking forward to a good match. Will wear me thermals and bring a cushion. Those seats look like instruments of torture. We are used to padded armchairs at the Emirates of course. The Prawn Sandwich Club expect to disappear for a glass of champers from half-time onwards so God knows what they're gonna do up at your place.
Wyn Mills
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03/01/2008 12:55:00

Hiya Wyn, hope you enjoy the experience! I think the last time we had Champers at Turf Moor was 1960 the last time we won the First Div title! We could suggest some cheap white wine and a tube of Alka Seltzer? As for Prawns, I think we call that Scampi up here but I would recommend sticking to Fish&Chips, its the proper stuff up here you know! ;-)
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03/01/2008 13:02:00

Fish and chips it will be then. Can't be any worse than the kebabs we get on Holloway Road. Hope its a good game. Best result would probably be a draw and replay back at the Emirates? BTW, love the name Turf Moor. Sounds like a real football ground name. Intimidating. Somewhere you go to engage in battle rather than an airport lounge.
Wyn Mills
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 13:42:00

Get you kebab on Blackstock Road fella, much more flavour.
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03/01/2008 13:58:00

phil, you forgot to mention to the gooners about opening their flasks too near the front rows. the steam from the flasks could well melt the icicles dangling above the front 4 or 5 rows and these just may pierce their skulls. hardhats are a must if you are at the front of the stand to avoid serious injury.
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03/01/2008 16:54:00

Aye good point I forgot that bit, I was going to tell them too, to rub it in that the stand originally had central heating, you can still see the holes under the seat where the hot air was supposed to come out! Rumour goes that our old tight fisted Chairman, Bob Lord, who had his own hot air saw too many shillings going in the meter when they had a trial run and it was never put on for a match!
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03/01/2008 17:00:00

no mate, dont tell em about that lol
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03/01/2008 17:02:00

OK my lips are sealed! ;-) At least we no longer have the Longside Loo with the open-top roof and conservatory plants growing out the urinals (or were they thistles,Botany was not my strong point? )Thistles**** dont they? In our case it was more thistled****s!!
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 17:08:00

Damn censor Pr1cks
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 17:08:00

Feckin hilarious article! No mention of the dressing room facilities though, is there adequate underfloor heating or is it bring your own slippers? :)
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 19:28:00

Slippers? You big wuss ;-) Actually the players changing rooms are under your seats. I have been on many a tour of Turf Moor, the home dressing room is actually the second smallest in the whole of the four divisions with I believe Grimsby getting the honour of smallest! I was going to check how big the away changing room was but couldnt find the cupboard key!!
Report Abuse
03/01/2008 22:10:00

brilliant stuff turfmanphil. From what I understood, Arsenal won't be using the away dressing room, the team bus seems fine. Cheers and good luck.
Report Abuse
04/01/2008 01:02:00

Wow the more I read about you guys, the more I want to go to Turf Moor! Real shame I can't go. You guys please report back to the site how it's like on Sunday. It's gonna be a good game.
Report Abuse
04/01/2008 02:05:00

Hey I've looked up Turf Moor online, it doesn't look as old as you described. Other parts of the stadium is great. So those wooden seats are reserved for away fans, wicked!
Report Abuse
04/01/2008 02:09:00

Nice one G4L and thanks we will need it! Hi Louisa, we have two old stands, Cricket Field for the away end and the Bob Lord Stand both built within a few years of each other over 40 years ago. Cricket Field was state-of-the art for its time with the afore mentioned underseat central heating even if it was never switched on to save money! Two new stands were built in more recent times, the Jimmy Mac stand replaced the open terracing of the Bee Hole End and the James Hargreaves Stand replaced the infamous Longside terrace when fans could stand together and kick hell out of each other! We of course get the comfy seats in compensation for the uncomfortable football we have had to watch since 1976! The good news is that the club are ploughing 20 million into the club for a new redevelopment of Turf Moor over the next few years and we have also brought back Paul Fletcher who has experience of stadia re Coventry's Ricoh etc. Hopefully by the time we play you in the Premier League (cough!) you will be sitting in comfort
Report Abuse
04/01/2008 08:05:00

Cricket Field Stand? My ticket says David Fishwick Stand.
Little Dutch
Report Abuse
05/01/2008 14:08:00

Ah sorry there, yeah we call it the Cricket Field Stand, but its commercially sponsored and known as the David Fishwick Stand, same difference but sorry for the confusion
Report Abuse
08/01/2008 14:34:00


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